Escape Plan
by Paloma Latina
Summary: Salazar Slytherin leapt up from where he was quietly sitting in his common room and dived behind the couch. He heard footsteps, causing him to crawl quickly away, down and around the corridor. [Rainbow Challenge for ReviewsLounge. Oneshot]


Note: We make reference to Forest Gump. I know he wasn't created for centuries after this is set, but we don't care. Oh, and, for this fic, we're pretending Hogwarts wasn't the first Magic school, okay?

Enjoy:)

Salazar's thoughts: _italics_.

* * *

"Sally-zar?"

_Oh, bugger all._

"Sally-zar?"

Salazar Slytherin leapt up from where he was quietly sitting in his common room and dived behind the couch. Why, oh, _why_ did she have to like _him_ of all people? He heard footsteps, causing him to crawl quickly away, down and around the corridor.

"Sally?"

A stream of swear words were muttered under his breath as he snagged his knee on an askew nail in the hard, wooden floor boards. He continued down the corridor but didn't make it all the way to his room before being caught.

"Sally! I've been looking everywhere for you!"

Kimberly Chestnut was nuttier than her last name. She had long blonde hair, shiny blue eyes and a very large crush on Salazar. She was known for her obsession when it came to crush victims. The whole population, save a few, of Leamington's House of Magic pitied Salazar. He was in deep trouble.

"I tried looking in the owlery, but you weren't there and – Sally-zar? What are you doing on the floor?"

_Hairy dingbats._

"Oh, err, nothing."

"Oh, okay."

She helped him up off the floor, even though he insisted that he didn't need the extra help, and then flicked her golden hair over her shoulder. Salazar brushed down his trousers and straightened up. Kimberly was looking at him straight in the eye. It was becoming quite disconcerting. Salazar shifted in her gaze for a few minutes. He was starting to feel ill. It was probably her perfume.

"Sally-zar! Come back!"

Kimberly watched her 'boyfriend' sprint past her and down around the corner.

Salazar had to get away. She was seriously bothering him.

He ran down the stairs to the Common Room. There were people everywhere. They all turned at the sound of his heavy footsteps and stared in shock. Suddenly, pity formed on faces all around the room. Salazar didn't stop. He kept running. He got to the portrait hole, only to find it jammed.

"Sally-zar?"

All the heads turned to see Kimberly running down the stairs, hot on his trail. As if they had all planned it before-hand, the occupants of the common room made it their job to slow her down. One boy, who was standing on the same flight of stairs as Kimberly, dropped his books all over the floor and purposely got in her way to pick them up.

"Get out of my way!" she yelled, pushing him onto the floor and stepping over him.

The next person to come to his rescue was a tall seventh year girl. She walked up to Kimberly and started pulling at her hair. "Wow! What conditioner do you use, Kimberly. Your hair looks really good!"

Salazar gave a harsh tug at the portrait hole and it slid open a little further. He could almost put a whole leg through.

Kimberly lost herself for a moment. "Oh, I use _Gina's._ It's really great."

Another good pull and it was almost big enough. _One more..._

"Oh, cool."

The last tug made a loud scraping noise, causing Kimberly to snap back to reality. "Sally-zar! Where are you going?"

"To Hell!" Salazar declared, realising the gap was still too small.

"Why? You're _my little angel_."

Salazar pulled sharply on the portrait again, his energy newly restored by the bare idea that even through death, he couldn't quite escape. Kimberly was shifting closer. One step closer and it would all be over. Then the seventh years did something very unusual. They threw themselves down onto the floor in a pile, blocking the way to the portrait hole where Salazar was desperately throwing himself at the door, forcing it open.

"Get off the floor, you idiots!" Kimberly yelled, trying to bat them away.

The rest of the students had followed the seventh years' display and had all gathered around in a wall, trying to spare Salazar, their almost-King. Three boys ran up to Salazar and joined him.

"Okay!" said Salazar. "On three...one...two...three!"

The four boys all pushed on the portrait and the wood pulled out of the wall and hit the floor with a tremendous thud. But the human wall was weakening. Kimberly had her wand out and was blasting people aside. Salazar scrambled out of the portrait hole and into the stone corridor of Leamington's House of Magic.

"Sally-zar! Wait for me!"

_I'll do nothing of the sort._

He quickly looked around and decided to run towards the stairs instead of into a classroom. He didn't want to face a blocked end. He kept running until he heard a mighty crash. He cursed as he realised he was only a few meters away from where he had started. He turned quickly and saw a few tall seventh and sixth years tumble out of the hole that was once covered by a portrait of a goat lady.

"Run Forest, run!" a fellow fifth year called as he mad a mad dash around the corner.

He started hearing hundreds of footsteps and shot a look over his shoulder. The corridor was filled with people running behind him. To his dismay, Kimberly was leading the pack and she looked ready to kill. He sped on, down three flights of stairs and over to the Dining Hall. Luckily, somebody was opening the door as he came past, giving him a few seconds of extra time to find a hiding spot.

"Salazar?" somebody said from one of the tables. "What are you doing?"

Salazar turned to find Rowena Ravenclaw starting at him quizzically. He didn't have time to explain. He ran over to her and slid under the table.

"Wha-"

She didn't have time to finish. Salazar had grabbed her hand and tugged her under with him.

"Salazar!" she scolded. "You could at least warn me next time!"

Salazar clamped a hand over her mouth and put a finger to his lips. "Hiding from Kimberly," he said shortly.

She nodded and fell silent. Salazar removed his hand and peeked out from under the table. Hundreds of people were spilling into the Dining Hall. It was a Sunday, everybody was wearing casual. It looked like a **rainbow** from under the table. Kimberly was struggling against the crowd who were all trying to slow her down. Salazar smiled to himself.

_With friends like these, who needs escape routes?_

* * *

**Written by: RabbitohsGirl and MentalLady (sisters!)**

Yep, it definitely wasn't our best. But, I guess that was all we could come up with :) Thanks for your reviews!


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